Its time for the Tweetbag, where you can get questions answered on anything you want, just by going to Twitter and using the hashtag #AskSpector. This time, for a special holiday edition, there is only one question an important question.@DanJGlickman asks: if all the mascots in MLB got in a fight, who would win?This is my question to answer, so Im going to set some rules. Monday is Festivus, so the mascot fight champion will be determined by the Feats of Strength pinning the opponent. These Feats of Strength will be performed one at a time, with the order determined by the 2013 standings. So, the Astros mascot takes on the Marlins mascot first, with the winner getting the White Soxs mascot, and Michal Kempny Jersey so on, all the way up to the Cardinals mascot at the end.A format along the lines of the WWEs Royal Rumble, with all mascots in the ring at the same time, and the last mascot standing winning, might make sense, but this method ensures that Bernie Brewer cant get any help from the Racing Sausages. Youd hate to see the Italian Sausage take out the Pirate Parrot with a folding chair apt revenge though that might be for Randall Simon.Lets get it on.Orbit (Astros) vs. Billy the Marlin (Marlins) Neither mascot is particularly imposing, although Billy is quite disconcerting as a fish with human appendages. Hes like a bizarre anti-mermaid, while Orbit is just bizarre, officially listed by the Astros as having been born in Foul Territory of the Grand Slam Galaxy, which is not a real place. Billy once knocked an old man unconscious with a t-shirt gun, and while there are no weapons here, his fish-flopping ability should make him difficult for a friendly alien to pin. Billy wins.Billy the Marlin vs. Southpaw (White Sox) A green, furry creature, much like Orbit, we know that Southpaw is a practical sort.My yearly reminder: T.J. Oshie Jersey don't eat yellow snow. White Sox Mascot (@Southpaw) Southpaw has better reach than Orbit, which should prove useful in wrapping up Billy the Marlin to bring him down. He gets the pin.Southpaw vs. T.C. Bear (Twins) Theres already a grudge match here between the two American League Central mascots.Porridge does not look yummy. White Sox Mascot (@Southpaw) says who? Porridge Is yummy! TC Bear (@TC_00) The fact that T.C. Bear did not call porridge too hot or too cold suggests that he is just a baby bear, and thus not fit for Feats of Strength. Southpaw advances again.Southpaw vs. Mariner Moose (Mariners) From the Mariner Mooses official bio:The Mariner Moose D.R.E.A.M. Team is a comprehensive school a sembly program aimed at elementary school-aged students. The program uses the Moose to deliver the importance of the D.R.E.A.M. Team principles:Drug-FreeRespect Yourself & OthersEducationAttitudeMotivationCould not be further from the Costanza ideals that brought about Festivus. Another win for Southpaw.Southpaw vs. Phillie Phanatic (Phillies) The Phanatic has some fighting experience, although it did not go particularly well, and it was 25 years ago.While Tommy Lasorda did not pin the Phanatic, the Phanatic went down rather easily for Nicklas Backstrom Jersey a mascot of such girth. It very easily could have been a pin for Lasorda. It will be a pin for Southpaw. Thats four in a row.Southpaw vs. Dinger (Rockies) Both of these mascots are available for birthday parties, which is better than inviting, say, George Costanza.Southpaw also will do an In-Game Wedding, which, if Southpaw has done your wedding during a White Sox game, please contact Screwball HQ immediately and share the story. Does Southpaw officiate weddings, or just attend them and give out gifts? Anyway, Southpaw is a multitasker, while Dinger mostly hangs out behind home plate and tries to distract opposing pitchers. Thats a good way for a triceratops to get out of shape. Southpaws going to win this one easily.Southpaw vs. Ace (Blue Jays) At first blush, this seems like another easy win for Southpaw, taking on a very slender bird. Then, you find out that Ace has gone toe to toe with UFC champion Jon Bones Jones.Round 1 - he's copying my style... It's on! ACE (@ACE_00) Whats more, Ace has earned Jon Bones Jones respect.That Nathan Walker Jersey blue Jay had some moves, man I tell ya Jon Bones Jones (@JonnyBones) Trust a profe sional. A real pity for Chicago, as this is a repeat of the 1993 ALCS, only in hypothetical mascot fight form.Ace vs. Mr. Met (Mets) Festivus began in Queens, and there is more to it than the feats of strength. Knowing that he is overmatched, Mr. Met brings the holidays signature aluminum pole with him, and conks Ace over the head to get the pin.Mr. Met vs. Bernie Brewer (Brewers) Another key part of Festivus is the Airing of Grievances, and Mr. Met starts reading a list. Mark Bomback. Charlie OBrien. Doug Henry. Donny Moore. Mike Kinkade. Geremi Gonzalez. Johnny Estrada. Danny HerreraMr. Met vs. Swinging Friar (Padres) Al Severinsen. Steve Simpson. Paul Siebert. Bobby Valentine. Randy Jones. Rick Lancellotti. Kevin McReynolds. Gene Walter. Garry Templeton. Tony Fernandez. Frank Seminara. The wrong Pedro Martinez. Roberto Petagine. Jason Middlebrook. Steve Reed. Xavier Nady. Jon Adkins. Ben Johnson. Emil BrownMr. Met vs. Lou Seal (Giants) The Mets sent Rick Lancellotti to the Giants in 1985, and got Zack Wheeler for half a season of Carlos Beltran in 2011, so the run of tricking opponents with other elements of Festivus is over. Plus, Lou Seal knows how to use The Force.SO fired up about Day at the ballpark! Great win in extras! The FORCE WAS with us! Luigi Francisco Seal (@LouSeal01) Theres only so far that a normal man with a baseball head can go in a competition like this.Lou Seal vs. D. Baxter the Bobcat (Diamondbacks) On his Twitter bio, Baxter bills himself as a Paper-Rock- champ. Everyone knows its rock-paper-sci sors. Just ask the USA Rock Paper Sci sors League, Americas Official Rock Paper Sci sors League, .What kind of flim-flam is Baxter trying to pull? Thats not going to fly here. Lou Seal advances.Lou Seal vs. Oriole Bird (Orioles) Its a battle of black and orange, and the Orioles mascot lists his favorite food as Mostly bird seed, with the occasional crab cake. Well, Lou Seals predece sor in San Francisco was Crazy Crab. Whos Crazy Crab? Well, Crazy Crab made a brief return a few years ago.Dont think for one second Andre Burakovsky Jersey that Lou Seal isnt going to step up for his mascot forebear, forecrab, whatever. Plus, in a battle of flippers vs. wings, flippers wins in a ground game.Lou Seal vs. Sluggerrr (Royals) The court ruled being hit by a hot dog is not a w